Between 10% and 20% of all wanted pregnancies end in loss. When it happens to you, it can feel like the most isolating, painful experience imaginable. It's important to remember that you are part of a large community of women who have experienced this tragedy and that there's still hope for a healthy pregnancy in the aftermath.
When a woman gives birth to a healthy baby after a miscarriage, loss, or tragedy, we call the infant a "rainbow baby." We understand that it can be scary to begin this fraught journey while you're grieving, but beautiful rainbow babies are born every single day.
Though this isn't a club that any mother wants to join, we've created this guide to help you better understand the symbolism surrounding bringing a special rainbow baby into the world. We'll explain the meaning and origin of welcoming a rainbow baby and offer a few tips for a healthy pregnancy after loss.
Read on to learn how new parents like you have welcomed a precious rainbow following a storm.
Pregnancy loss happens for many reasons, and most are beyond your control.
Many pregnancies end very early, after a miscarriage, due to your fetus's chromosomal makeup. Others end because of ectopic pregnancy or a blighted ovum. A baby might arrive stillborn or pass away shortly after birth due to trauma, illness, or congenital abnormality.
Loss is tragic whether you've been pregnant for nine weeks or nine months, and you will likely experience a range of emotions as you grieve. Everything you feel is valid, and there is no "right" way to feel. You might consider looking into the five stages of grief or attending a support group online or in your community.
The most important thing to do is to communicate with your partner. Some couples need extra support before they are ready to try again. Others are ready to try again immediately.
It's okay to feel joy or excitement as you begin preparing for pregnancy. Many couples have successfully reframed their mixed emotions by calling their new little one their "rainbow baby," the baby they welcome after loss.
Bodies tend to heal faster than minds. Always begin by consulting with your doctor about whether you're physically ready to carry a pregnancy. Once you get the okay, the timeline is up to you and your grieving process.
Remember that the majority of miscarriages and losses are not anyone's fault. They are natural occurrences and are usually your body's way of telling you something was wrong. Physically, the best thing you can do is take care of yourself and follow your doctor's recommendations regarding diet and activity.
The most important considerations when you're preparing for a rainbow baby include:
With that in mind, your mental health is an equal consideration. It's common for women to experience anxiety after losing a pregnancy. These emotions can lead to stress, which makes it harder to enjoy your pregnancy and welcome your new baby.
If anxiety begins to impact your quality of life, a therapist or mental health professional can help. Many women take up meditation or other mindfulness practices during this time. Allow yourself time for rest, self-care, and open conversations about your fears and concerns.
Some couples choose not to share news about their pregnancy until it is impossible to hide. This process helps some parents-to-be feel in control of their choices and grief. There is no wrong way to move forward.
Every rainbow baby is a beautiful, precious gift. You do not have to feel guilty about experiencing joy, excitement, and overwhelming love for your new little one. A rainbow is a beautiful phenomenon following a dark and scary period, and you don't need to feel any shame about enjoying your rainbow.
Here are a few ways that parents balance tragedy and joy.
You have already been through one of the hardest things imaginable. You may be in pain, but you survived and went on to carry a miracle. Many rainbow parents find that they are more resilient in the face of parenting challenges, making them more compassionate, grateful parents to their rainbow babies.
In the wake of loss, the new emotions surrounding bringing a new baby into the world may be confusing or contradictory. You might feel grateful for strange things, such as morning sickness or a lack of sleep. Your baby's healthy milestones may cause a sense of melancholy because they remind you of your loss.
Accept that you are doing something emotional and complicated. You are choosing to persevere and forge ahead after a personal tragedy. Give yourself grace, notice and acknowledge your emotions, and allow yourself permission to feel.
Remember that love is never a betrayal.
Women who experience pregnancy loss are at higher risk for postpartum depression after welcoming a rainbow baby. Whether or not your symptoms are severe, you are worthy of help. Communicate your struggles and needs and ensure you have the resources necessary to be the best parent you can be.
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